You won't twist my nipples, will you? So you're saying my overeating is her fault. Can you hook me up with one of the models in the underwear ad? Doug Heffernan: It's Ray Barone. You wanna go? Danny is already in bed and Spence threatens to get into bed with him] Fine, bring it. I'm telling you, Doug, as soon as I heard about this overeaters support group, I had a really good feeling about it. Carrie Spooner Heffernan: Why didn't you go when we dropped Spence off? Doug Heffernan: He's out of his mind! 25:49. Watch later. Carrie Heffernan: Well, I did. [Arthur is playing chess by himself in the basement and hears Spence entering the kitchen]. Hey, from your lips to God's ears, huh? Doug Heffernan: I guess it reminds me of a simpler time in my life, you know? Doug Heffernan: Let's shake things up a bit. Oh, you have your, uh, support group tonight? From the same faces popping up as different characters to their pet randomly disappearing, there are a lot of mysteries when it comes to King Of Queens. Doug Heffernan: [reading Major's story about Thanksgiving] We used to have Thanksgiving as a family. Low-fat mayo, cottage cheese, garden burgers, all untouched. Doug Heffernan: Well, I hope you mean for us. Doug Heffernan: Arthur, I was sitting here eating and thinking; yeah this would be a good time. Doug Heffernan: You wanna hear something weird? Is, uh, Doug Heffernan here? Denise: Yeah, it's, um, it's really great to meet you, Mrs. Olchin. All right, okay, sometimes I get mad, but that's only because I have to. It took me two whole dates to go where you're about to go. Carrie Heffernan: I don't know. Carrie Spooner Heffernan: Don't you bring my father into this! Doug Heffernan: Because, he was almost my height. Then what happened? Isn't this the overeaters support group? Hmmm….is it OK if I say King George III? Doug Heffernan: Friends just keep you away from TV. All I want is for you to stop acting like a big baby and grow up. Doug... please. Charming story gone very wrong. The series was created by Michael J. Weithorn and David Litt, who also served as the show's executive producer. Oh, it's a, uh, long story, but it turns out it's Carrie's anger that makes me eat so much. Have cookies for dinner, okay? Deacon Palmer: I don't know, never thought about it. Carrie Spooner Heffernan: That's four words. Who goes bird shopping? Doug Heffernan: You cut off a school bus? That's why 3 different hobbits are showing up. I mean, I know it was the last thing you wanted to do, but you did it, and you stuck with it, and now look at you. Arthur Spooner: I didn't need to go then. Okay, they may be big, but they are not losers. Doug Heffernan: You're leaning against a car. Doug Heffernan: And to you! Ruhollah. Carrie Spooner Heffernan: I'm moving him up here tonight, the basement was freezing. Arthur Spooner: Let's just say kids will be running home to their mommies to tell them about their encounter with the Ribbon Man. Now do William Shatner. [Arthur will only sell a little troll doll to Carrie for 50 bucks]. Deacon Palmer: You know I do the same thing? Doug, Yeah? It's gone now. It is a steak-eye view. I was moving monies around. They told me I'd gain weight before I lose it. Carrie Heffernan: Yup! Deacon Palmer: I don't know. Marilyn: I assume you're taking folic acid. No, not high. Lou Ferrigno: Well, first of all, there's at least three characters named Mike. Doug Heffernan: [on if his aunt and Arthur had a kid] That would mean he'd be both my cousin and my brother-in-law. Spence Olchin: Danny and I are going to check out the Haunted Castle. Carrie Heffernan: Yes, I know. RELATED: The King Of Queens: 10 Hidden Details About The Main Characters Everyone Missed. Arthur Spooner: What? That makes you my- What do you call her again? Can I get some TV dinners just as a backup? Phone! Enough! Arthur Spooner: I thought ironic meant made up entirely of iron. Doug Heffernan: Not telling him that either. Carrie Heffernan: Okay, you've never done either of those. Michael Bullock . Carrie Heffernan: I think it's going to happen. Richie Iannucci: So, you guys got a big Thanksgiving planned? - Terry Pratchett; You are enough to drive a saint to madness or a king to his knees. My TiVo thinks I'm gay! You know what it is? Without him, there's nightclubs and bars. Carrie Heffernan: Sure! Deacon Palmer: You have feet, you don't move around. Doug Heffernan: I think I know my way around town. Arthur Spooner: I got two words for you: I'm saying right here! Doug Heffernan: You're trying to take my downstairs wife; you don't even have a downstairs. Until it's time to not be nice. That's got 'split my pants' written all over it. Doug Heffernan: I'd be more help if I knew what a camisol was. Danny Heffernan: I had to get my allergy shot. Carrie Heffernan: [on the engagement ring] You really fell ass-backward into somethin', didn't you, hon? Arthur Spooner: You really swung from the heels on that one, didn't ya? That all the other parents thought he was a teacher? Doug Heffernan: I want to listen. My heart's beatin' like a rabbit. Spence Olchin: What's that supposed to mean? and more… Doug Heffernan: I didn't call you anything. Doug Heffernan: [Carrie is making Doug pancakes for breakfast before he goes to work]. Well, right after we get the hot tub and the satellite dish... but then, it's going straight to the bank. But where are we gonna sit? The King of Queens S07E03 Furious Gorge. Arthur Spooner: I don't know what that means, but it sounds terrifying. God bless 'em. You were praying for the Jets to win! Hey, Doug, I'm just dropping off Arthur's bill, but I couldn't help overhearing your conversation. Charlotte: Yeah, but he likes Donna Pizzoni. Doug Heffernan: [after leaving Deacon's apartment where a smoking-hot stewardess is waiting, to Deacon, imitating hypnotist] We never were here. Ah, large fire. Report. Doug Heffernan: The [book] club is tomorrow... and I'm on page 2! Carrie Heffernan: It's actually kind of interesting. [pause]. Kings And Queens Quotes. Hey, uh, what do you talk about at these classes? Yeah, she's gonna be home any minute, so I can't stay on the phone much longer. What's taking so long? We're representing these shareholders of this dot com who claim management run the company into the ground. Doug Heffernan: Now we know. Cleopatra Of Egypt. Carrie Spooner Heffernan: [thinking] Aww, look at him reading, he's really trying. I figured you were surprising me with a puppy. We'll just reload the dishwasher and wash 'em. The King of Queens was produced by Hanley Productions and CBS Productions (1998–2007), CBS Paramount Network Television (2007), in association with Columbia TriStar Television (1998–2002), and Sony Pictures Television (2002–07). Queen quotes on why all women deserve to be treated like royalties. Spence Olchin: Oh, I feel like Anne Frank. Doug Heffernan: No big deal. Doug Heffernan: [lifting up his shirt and rubbing his stomach] Is this a lot of hair right here, seriously? Arthur Spooner: Douglas, would you please pass me the catsup? Yeah, I think it's great that we're trying to improve ourselves. I had some deep tissue work done on my inner thigh while I went to my safe place. Is it because we're black? Carrie Heffernan: Did you make them touch your belly hair? Carrie Heffernan: [on machine] It's me. Carrie Heffernan: Ok Doug, you know what? Stan Laurel? Doug is simply trying to break a cycle of verbal and physical abuse. Doug Heffernan: Yeah, I'm going to get the Incredible Hulk a Spiderman game. Yeah, a hot-dog eating contest I only entered because you're so mean! I'm reminded every time I look at your paycheck. I didn't want to put 'em on the sheets, 'cause you made it very clear you don't like that. So, I go to pick up my prescription from the pharmacy, and I'm in line for like 20 freaking minutes, because the pharmacist is a million years old. Great, 'cause they have a class going on upstairs right now. 13. And did he also happen to mention that he was the biggest kid in nursery school? [Arthur has put dirty dishes in the cupboard]. What are you doing in here, I'm in my bra! Stefanritter. Arthur Spooner: You gotta hand it to those Japanese, though, clever people. Before you judge me, let me walk you through it. You see, the letter "A" on the screwdriver will fit into the corresponding "A" hole in the "Arthur's" screw. Arthur Spooner: It seems to have reached optimal temperature. Doug Heffernan. Richie Iannucci: That 75-cent shrimp cocktail didn't help either. Carrie Spooner Heffernan: No, he did not tell me, his mother called! — Marco van Hoof . Arthur Spooner: I'm 75 years old, and I still wake up with the little guy saluting. Maybe that's what happened with my brother and his wife. The King of Queens S06 - Ep03 King Pong HD Watch. Without him, there's nightclubs and bars. 12:14. Carrie Spooner Heffernan: [Carrie and Doug walk into their bedroom to find Arthur sitting on their bed] Dad! Doug Heffernan: I hope this tattoo's temporary, what the hell is that, a turtle eating an apple. Carrie Spooner Heffernan: Well, we did annihilate two of their cities. [Doug and Deacon are looking at Veronica with mouths wide open]. Okay, what is going on? Deacon Palmer: You didn't have sex in ANY sense. No. Carrie Heffernan: Honey, could you pass the, um, "I Can't Believe It's Not Salad Dressing?". Doug Heffernan: Yeah, 'cause you grabbed the nucleus. Arthur Spooner: My good sir, I do believe you are giving me the vapors. Veronica Olchin: You can thank me for that. Lou Ferrigno: Arthur borrowed 30 dollar from me and he said he'd pay me back today. Deacon Palmer: Well, why didn't you just tell her you weren't the same guy? Arthur Spooner: Hey, pull over I need to use the John. Veronica Olchin: I smacked his bottom so red, it looked like an Indian's ass. Arthur Spooner: Douglas? Carrie Heffernan: Yeah! Moron, watch where you're going! 25:49. Pruzan got his first big case as partner and he's going off the deep end. Arthur Spooner: I would like a live parrot and name him Douglass II. This is for the chicken-and-egg crack. Priceless! Doug Heffernan: I'd eat my own foot if it was wrapped in bacon and cooked in butter. Doug Heffernan: [after telling the guys he has a downstairs and upstairs wife] Hol, the paper came today, it's a little wet and I wanted to read the sports section. 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